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14th-Feb-2011 03:26 pm
i'm lost in my head, sad and hopeless
Alice enters the Nexus looking absolutely miserable. Her eyes are red-rimmed, and have dark circles around them that speak of exhaustion. Her hair hangs limply around her face, and she's slouching in such a way that it almost hides it from view. Today is especially painful for her right now, and she wishes this date would disappear from the calendar.

She finds a seat and slumps down, bringing her knees up to her chest. "I had to do it," she tells herself. "I had. . . ." She looks up, green eyes watery. "How do you convince yourself you did the right thing in -- l-letting someone go?"
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14th-Feb-2011 08:32 pm (UTC)
There is no immediate answer from April. Instead she sits beside Alice and offers her a shoulder to lean on. To cry on.

"What happened?" She whispered.
14th-Feb-2011 08:39 pm (UTC)
Alice gladly takes it for leaning, though she's trying not to cry again. She's been trying not to cry for a while now. She thought she was getting better, then she saw the date on the calendar and it all started pouring out of her again. She's supposed to be stronger than this, damn it. And it was for his own protection.

She sniffles. "I -- I b-broke up with Victor," she confesses. "I had to do it, staying around me was hurting him. . . ." Oh hey, look who has guilt issues!
14th-Feb-2011 08:54 pm (UTC)
April wraps her arms around Alice and provides her support, comfort and friendship. "Oh Alice. He told you about the King of Hearts?"

"I don't believe it was your fault. Nothing could be." April is very familiar with guilt issues (after helping Victor and handling difficulties with her own boyfriend who is a Master at feeling guilty.
14th-Feb-2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
Alice hugs back, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. "I learned about it through John, actually," she whispers. "I went to Cheshire and Caterpillar to see what had happened, and they told me. . . ." For a moment, she's cut off by sobs. "They told me t-that while the Queen is linked to me, the King is linked to w-whoever I'm in love with. And that when V-Victor entered Wonderland. . . ."

"It was! I'm the one who brought him there! I'm the one who f-fell. . . ." She shakes her head. "He should have gone home, should have married Miss Everglot -- or maybe even that corpse girl. Even a dead woman would have been better for him." Time to put those guilt-handling skills to the test, April.
14th-Feb-2011 09:08 pm (UTC)
"Oh Alice. No. Victor loves you. And you love him. Nothing in this Nexus that can happen to either of you is your fault. Or his." April strokes her hair.

She takes a breath. "I don't know if you know this... but Clark died recently. And the AI of his father Jor-El brought him back. Said there would be a price... that someone he loved would die in his place."

"Clark pushed me away to protect me. And it does make sense... that sacrifcing yourself should protect him. But Victor is still in your heart. The King of Hearts is still with him. And you shouldn't feel like it is your fault. That is was wrong to love someone. Because love is so noble."
14th-Feb-2011 09:24 pm (UTC)
"Of course it's not his fault," Alice agrees. "He couldn't have known." The fact that neither could she isn't really registering with her right now. "I should have -- God, I thought it was horrible enough when everyone around me was simply dying. . . ."

Alice's head snaps up at that. She watches April wide-eyed. "Oh God," she whispers. "That's -- poor Clark." Then she shakes her head. "How can love be noble when it leads to him being possessed? When it leads to him suffering like that?" It's moments like these where she's half-convinced they should have never let her out of Rutledge.
14th-Feb-2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
"Neither of you could have known." April hugs Alice gently.

"Because Alice... your relationship might have entered a difficult situation, but it will be love that will pull you out of it. As you said, you are bond to the Queen, and he to the King, I think that you too will be able to figure this out together. Be strong for each other. Be there for each other... so neither of you are fighting this pain and suffering alone."

"It was horrible when Clark died in my arms. And if I die in his place... it will hurt him just as much. But we can't allow our guilt to make us powerless. Not when we have so much life to live. So much happiness that we have shared."

"Alice... your love was the one thing that made Victor fight the King."

"You are hurting so much without him. "
14th-Feb-2011 09:41 pm (UTC)
"I should have suspected," Alice mutters bitterly. "I should have thought to ask."

"I wish -- I want to be, I really do, but. . ." But she thinks she'll make things worse. That she'll somehow strengthen the King and hurt Victor more in the process. Perhaps it's not rational, but this entire situation left rationality around the corner long ago.

She blinks as April mentions about Victor fighting for her. "What?" she says, somewhat disbelieving. Victor -- Victor came back to himself for her?
14th-Feb-2011 09:49 pm (UTC)
"A hundred things could have happened. No one can clearly predict the future, Alice. Not even me." April gently smiles.

"I know you are doing this because you want to protect Victor from more harm. But you should know... it is your love that makes Victor the man he is. When the King threatened to make you his consort... he fought determined to protect you. I saw such bravery and courage in his mind. It was really him that gained back control of his own mind." April knew that they were both suffering. It hurt to see her friends in such despair. "You make him strong. And he makes you strong."

"That is the true power of love."
14th-Feb-2011 10:22 pm (UTC)
"Someone should try to fix that," Alice gripes. "Save us all a lot of trouble."

Alice stares at April as she tells her about Victor's struggle. "His consort?" she repeats in brief confusion, then sighs deeply. "Oh, of course he'd want the Queen back. He adored her so much he died for her. I wonder if he even knows. . .because she wasn't all that bad before Wonderland burned," she confesses. "Always ill-tempered, but I could see she genuinely loved him."

She looks at her feet. "I'll give you that he makes me stronger," she says. "I was certain I was going to go through life a spinster. I'd gotten myself all settled with the idea of being alone. I'd almost convinced myself I didn't need anyone except my aunt and uncle. Then he came along and. . . ." She puts her arms around herself. "It's that smile of his. And his laugh. He doesn't laugh nearly often enough."
14th-Feb-2011 08:42 pm (UTC)
And here's a waddling bunch of young Magelets, who totally fail to understand the question.

"Let someone go where?" Luca asks.

At least they'll definitely be good for hugs, should Alice need some.
14th-Feb-2011 09:03 pm (UTC)
Alice indeed could use some. "Away from me," she says. "I had to give up the man I loved to keep him s-safe." And it's like a knife in her heart. God, she never realized -- she misses every damn thing about him. The way he smiles, the way he pulls at his tie when he's nervous, the way he wrapped his arms around her. . . .
14th-Feb-2011 09:12 pm (UTC)
"I don't understand," says Teo.

"Are you dangerous?" asks Tavi.

"Do you need a hug?" asks Galen.
14th-Feb-2011 09:27 pm (UTC)
"Something bad happened to my boyfriend -- something possessed him," she tries to explain, though it's hard even to think about. "And it's my fault because it was because of me that creature found him and--"

She shivers. "At least to him, I am." Why is it she hurts or loses everyone she loves? She's honestly a little anxious about just being here -- what if something else happens? But isolating herself from the world doesn't seem to be helping much. And. . . "I think I do," she says quietly.
14th-Feb-2011 09:31 pm (UTC)
They've been taught to ask first, but now that they've done so they waste no time in piling around Alice and snuggling.

"What does 'possessed' mean?" asks Juro.
14th-Feb-2011 09:34 pm (UTC)
Alice hugs back as best she can. Being snuggled by the little magelets does help a bit. At least, she doesn't feel quite so ready to cry.

She frowns, trying to think of how best to explain it. "It's -- it's like having another person in your head," she says. "Two minds, one body. But the body only belongs to one of them -- the other's trying to claim it for their own."
14th-Feb-2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
They are rather like being half-buried in warm plushies, if somewhat heavier than plushies would be.

"That sounds strange," comments Luca.

"Why doesn't the other mind have their own body?" asks a puzzled Kaze.
14th-Feb-2011 10:24 pm (UTC)
Alice certainly doesn't mind them being heavier. It's enough they're there.

"It is," Alice nods. She frowns in response to Kaze's question. "I'm honestly not sure. Caterpillar -- he's a friend of mine, very wise when you can get him to stop being cryptic -- says he thinks it has something to do with Victor -- my boyfriend -- not staying in Wonderland very long. That's where the other mind came from. Maybe if he'd stayed a couple of days. . . ." Alice isn't sure if that would have been better or worse. Maybe he would have left Victor alone, but threatened Wonderland?
14th-Feb-2011 10:50 pm (UTC)
"Is Caterpillar a caterpillar, or is he just called Caterpillar?" asks Lono.

"I like the fuzzy ones," comments Galen.

"What does cryptic mean?" asks Juro.

"So they maybe would be two people if they went back there?" asks Kaze, trying to sort it out.
(Deleted comment)
15th-Feb-2011 07:55 pm (UTC)
"Yes," Alice agrees, rocking back and forth. "It just -- it hurts so much. I'd give anything to -- to see him smile again."
(Deleted comment)
15th-Feb-2011 08:40 pm (UTC)
Luckily Alice is content to just keep talking. "And I know if he stays around me, he'll probably get hurt worse, but -- we had so much fun together. I -- I really thought. . . ." She wanted that wedding day, she realizes. She always thought it was nice, but she never knew before now how much she actually wanted it. How much she wanted one day to be his wife.
19th-Feb-2011 06:24 am (UTC) - Hatter from Syfy's Alice?
He sighs, lifts his hat, and ruffles his hair before replacing it. "Well, see, thing is-" he paused, frowned, and sighed. His eyes flicked back up to her, looking resolved. "She was better off without me."
19th-Feb-2011 06:05 pm (UTC)
Alice nods in understanding, though she still looks watery-eyed. "And he's better off without me," she says softly. "He -- he'll find someone who will be better for him. I'm sure of it." Even if the thought of Victor with someone else makes her heart ache like nothing else could.
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